Wednesday, October 04, 2006

attractive but heartless Posted by Picasa

Chinawimmen are completely heartless

I’ve come to the conclusion that Chinawimmen are completely heartless. They seem to possess a control+alternate+delete switch in their brains that when flipped on will delete your file, empty their recycle bin and defrag their hard drives, thereby effectively deleting you from their memory bank and lives completely, irreversibly and forever. Let me quantify that when I say Chinawimmen here, I mean the sophisticated urban variety that knows the “t” in Morlot is silent, is comfortable in spaghetti straps, will order a Paella when Risotto is not available and doesn’t think Gazpacho is Pinocchio’s father. I am not talking about the Ah Lian or Cina Bukit species who pack lunch to work, carry boiled water from home in recycled mineral water bottles, follow the latest Hong Kong fashion, have long forgotten their original hair colour, speak loudly in mandarin and are generally rough, rude and crude. I’ve been trying to forget MW. It’s not easy because we’re best buddies. Heck, I even visit her parents every week. I can see her, hear her, smell her, talk to her but I can’t have her. That well worn cliché “so near yet so farkin far” never rang truer. She dumped me three years ago and I still don’t know why. I know what you’re thinking. Three years? You’ve been carrying the torch for her for three years? It’s about time you bloody got on with life innit, you pathetic mofo? I agree. So I resorted to the drastic measure of trying to delete her from my life by not chatting with her on msn and not replying her sms-es. I lasted five days. It made things worse because I felt guilty and thought of her even more. Sigh… A coupla days ago, I bumped into E, a Eurasian F&B Director at a leading hotel, He looked haggard and won out. Over a cup of grossly overpriced coffee at Starbucks, he told me how his Chinawoman wife had left him and their ten year old son for another man and how it had devastated him. What do you say to a friend in situations like this? I could only nod my head sagely, make the right sympathetic noises and pay for that damn overpriced coffee. While I know these are rare and isolated cases, Mama was right when she told me thirty years ago that Chinawimmen were downright heartless biatches. Part of the problem is that their market value is so damn high. Bloody Kweilohs go gaga over them (don’t even open that door and get me started). Malay guys fish for them Every Indio I know will bust his black ass to get himself a Chinawoman, and of course Chinamen go for them too, naturally. Another big plus point is that you don’t have to worry about converting to another religion as most of them are either Christians or Buddhists. Then there’s the fact that they’ll eat anything and everything and drink alcohol as well so you don’t have “halal” issues to deal with. They also have a fiercely independent spirit and are not clingy and sticky like Malay and Indian girls, which only serves to make them more attractive. Completely heartless no doubt, but a very attractive package nonetheless. As for me I don’t see MW as a Chinawoman per se. Firstly I see her as a very intelligent person who can mentally and verbally spar with me and is not afraid to kick my pompous and arrogant Punjabi ass when need be. I like that. I respect that quality because I’m a cynical, hardbitten bastard who easily gets bored talking to empty heads. Hello? Are you paying attention? Secondly I see her as a gorgeous and physically attractive female, which is a bonus. She’s my soulmate. It just so happens that she’s Chinese. My housemate, L recently got so fed up seeing me moping around the apartment and exhibiting all the symptoms of pre-menstrual syndrome that he suggested I see a bomoh to get MW back. “All you need is her full name and a photo, dude” he chirped happily. I politely declined his offer for several reasons. Firstly, I believe a couple should be in a relationship because they both want it and are committed to it. Secondly, what happens if the “spell” wears off and the relationship breaks down later on and there are kids involved? Thirdly, how can you live with yourself knowing that you “forced” her into loving you through unnatural means? I’m certainly no angel but It just ain’t pukka in my book. “But the end justifies the means, dude” shot back L defensively. Thanks, but no thanks, dude. I have too much respect and love for her. My principles won’t allow me to even consider it. Now, dear reader, if you’ll be so kind as to excuse me, I have some serious moping to do around the apartment. By the way, in case you’re still blur as a sotong - Chinawimmen are heartless.